Learning out Loud

I saw these words at the hospital yesterday, above the nurses station. I was visiting a staff member who was in an awful car accident. He’s lucky to be alive and the drunk driver will be lucky if she doesn’t go to jail. The ED was full of people and it was great to see the professional and hardworking staff caring for the sick and injured with such obvious passion for their work. The doctor who visited Steve while I was there was personable and kind but obviously knew his stuff! It was a pleasure to watch him do what he had to do to ensure Steve was safe and comfortable because he did it with such wit and humility.

What did I learn today? Well for starters, I learned that you can survive even the worst car wreck with minor scratches if your number isn’t up!

Watching Steve grapple with his slippery memory after the accident reminded me of this idea ~ Memory is an imaginative state.

I think it means that recalling something that’s already happened is subject to interpretation. The good thing about this is essentially you can choose how you want to remember something. How cool is that? We have the option to remember an event any way we want!

When I got home I returned to my now half-empty garage, to continue the purge. Of course, after spending the morning at the hospital and seeing the wreckage of the vehicles involved, the first carton I opened had items and photos belonging to my first husband, who died in an accident just after we were married. The Universe certainly has a good sense of timing when it comes to dealing with our ‘stuff’. I have reached a certain peace around losing him and know that he is still with me but I have to admit I still have a lot of baggage around what happened all those years ago after the fact.

I can’t actually believe I am still processing it after nearly 25 years. il_570xN.946010732_cuac

I am incubating the memoir right now. It is coming whether I like it or not, once I figure out how to write it. I am about to listen to a podcast on creative non-fiction; that could answer some of the questions bobbing around in my skull.

The major challenge I am having with it is working out how much of the story is mine; how much am I allowed to tell?

Everyone has their own memories and while it’s indeed up to me how I remember those events, other’s interpretations will differ from mine. I’m not interested in dishing any dirt although there was plenty; I just want to write about the man I loved and the impact it had on my life to lose him.

I am a little scared to put my feelings out there because I may have to defend them, but then they say that the story you are afraid to write is the story you must write.

This blog has always been about sharing what I learn each day.

I’ve been doing what The Minimalists call learning out loud, doing my DIY MFA/PhD, a term I borrowed from Tim Ferris. I toyed with the idea of doing an actual course of some description; philosophy or counseling…but after hearing Ferris speak about saving thousands of dollars with self-directed learning I stopped searching and started following my curiosity.

Reading right now ~ Walking Home by Sonia Choquettewalking-home