A couple of weeks ago, I signed up for a surface design (fabric and pattern design) workshop. My dad was in the hospital at the time, and the live sessions were at 3 in the morning my time. I didn’t want to drive out to the hospital after waking early to learn how to use Adobe Illustrator.
It didn’t feel 100% right for me either. I wanted to do something creative, but I wanted to use my hands without making something commercial out of it.
So, this morning I took part in a live online workshop with Nicholas Wilton from Art2Life. The name of the class was almost enough to scare me off: Creative Visionary Blueprint Workshop… So, no pressure then?
It’s been years, almost 10 years, since I left the Dream Job, burned out but hopeful that working in our family business might afford me some time to make my own work.
How naïve I was!
For those of you who are new-ish here, I barely had time to stay sane in the following year. I’m not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to work with my almost-workaholic husband while parenting, cooking, cleaning, teaching my son to drive, etc…
We survived, but I didn’t have the time or energy to make any art that year. I started writing the following year and dabbled in making some linocuts and doing the odd painting, but I didn’t realise that I had to unlearn all the “commercial” aspects of running an art business. I just wanted to make art.
Eventually I packed up my art stuff and gave it to my niece.
Now, 10 years later, the desire to make my own art has returned. I don’t know what this work will look like but I know what it won’t be. It will be sheer coincidence if it matches the soft-furnishing palette on a designer’s mood board.
Why do I want to make art? What makes us humans want to create, to make things, to write?
Linda Sivertson says if you have the ache, you have what it takes. If you want to write, or paint, or sing or make movies, just do it. Don’t die wondering!
The workshop continues all week. It’s nice to do something different, but some things don’t change; Having to draw around my orange kitty, Ginger. He’s needy, but so sweet about it.
After the first session:
The goal is to feel. I need to get out of my head and into my feels…
I need to remain flexible and counter my desire for certainty. And I need to experiment and unlearn all those ‘make art to brief’ rules I followed for so many years.
I can’t believe that my old creative fears surfaced during this session. The first question Nick asked was When I think about fully expressing myself in my art, the one thing that holds me back is… Not being talented Enough popped into my head.
Seriously??
How old do I have to be before I stop worrying if I’m ‘good’ enough??
Sigh…
Who cares? I just want to play with some paint again and remember what I love to make.
I want to say a quick WELCOME to new subscribers. I taught a workshop on Saturday at the HOTA art gallery on the Gold Coast, and a few of the participants signed up for my newsletter. I write about all kinds of stuff on here but mostly about art and life.
Might even go so far as to say that Saturday’s group was my favourite ever! 😉
If you would like to read my 2020 novel Alia Henry and the Ghost Writer, head over to Substack and read the serialised version by clicking the link here or the image below.
If you like magical realism, time travel, France and crumbling old chateaux, enemies to lovers and a slow-burn romance, you’re going to love Alia.
Can’t wait for all the chapters? You can buy the book here on my website.
