It has become blindingly clear that writing historical fiction, however loosely based in actual history it may be, is far more challenging than creating a fantasy world for your strange characters. I was puzzling over this as I indulged an old procrastination technique, visiting the garden centre. Considering I don’t even have a garden anymore, I’d say my current resistance level is hovering somewhere between scanning old photos and vacuuming the ceiling.

I picked up some pots and plants that I know I won’t murder and after an almond milk latte (yes, coffee has made a reappearance…) I headed home to write.

Then I potted said plants. Cleaned the garage enough to fit the Intrepid Travelers car and sigh, boiled the kettle to get ready to write.

Then I had this wonderful idea for a blog.

Sigh, again.

But there’s good news. As stuck as I’ve allowed myself to believe I was…I realised with mixed feeling that the story I am writing for Nanowrimo is, in fact, a hero’s journey! I certainly didn’t intend to do that and my cliché-dar is blinking menacingly in the background, but I am going to accept the challenge, not unlike the reluctant hero in my story.

It’s a bit of a reimagining of the Hero’s journey because it’s the story of two women and I am pondering the idea that one best fights the monsters by becoming at least a little monstrous oneself.

Wish me luck!1_plk-REqG2CZXnrpfpgbW6Q

Today’s new moon in Scorpio has given me a healthy shot of energy. I had yucky weird dreams last night about my car being ransacked and about shipwrecks with missing posters on them. I don’t know wtf those dreams mean, but I’m guessing it’s all about fear of loss. Not of things, but of those I love.

On the subject of coffee, which may also go a long way to explaining the lack of sleep and weird dreams, I was blown away by the following explanation today. Bear with me, I am probably butchering this.

Liking without wanting is heaven, but wanting without liking is hell.

When I drink coffee, though I know it doesn’t make me feel great later, I must get some kind of positive experience. I feel good at the time and cutting out dairy milk is good for my tummy and makes me feel virtuous too. So…the negative experience isn’t enough to make me avoid coffee completely! Whereas the negative experience I get from, say, eating the green salad when I really want the vege pizza keeps me on the path to more pizza down the track…Oh dear, does that make sense??

So to get me to a point where I eat the green salad, I have to get a positive experience at the actual eating phase, not some imagined point in the future where I have abs…

Listen to Dr Hanson. He does a better job than me at explaining it!

32 Replies to “Today’s epiphany”

  1. Okay this is very tricky territory you are navigating. You are telling a masculine hero’s quest with feminine heroes. Yet because it is a deuteristic narrative of 2 complimentary opposites. They’re dynamics and roles switch. So 1 may be understanding a feminine quest. And the other is also undergoing a masculine quest. They are synchonistic yet contradictory. A correspondent correlative constellation of aspects and imagery between these characters in time and space.
    You don’t want to bite off more than you can chew because it’s not something that has been done before (that I can think of). Successfully. Or.. deservingly beautifully.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tell myself I’m just going to write a story about an archeologist. A female Indiana Jones. But no. Of course it gets all serious I wrote what may be the first chapter today. The Mc In the modern story does a TED talk 🤔


      1. This is not a throw down but… ok it might be a little bit of one… but I’ve sent this damn article to all the smart people I know and all but 1 have completely not got it at all. Don’t you hate that? When you’re going “guys this is life changing.” And they’re like “hey Bunnings have a bbq”.


      2. Dude I can’t read it it is too painful. It’s my thingy conscience. Conscious conscience. I… I dunno. It’s too tender . I don’t think I can go on just yet

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It’s okay its not your fault! I’m not hurt by you sharing it. But I thought I wrote something like this this morning and I have no idea where I posted it.. if I posted it.. on WordPress or Instagram or email or whatever…
        I can’t find where I’ve fucking written it. So it makes me feel like… WTF? Did I even write it? Lol

        Liked by 1 person

      4. You know what Christine. You cement my hero worship even more in you. Fuck. That’s… the thing.. I… omg…. shit … I was writing the exact opposite of that stuff at that time….. uhh…. wanna have editor access to mmm? You can have a look at the shit I have privatised in there…

        Liked by 1 person

      5. It’s hard core. Ken Wilber. He’s in the video. It’s just so real and it really woke me up. I was driving to my shitty job and I listened to Ken Wilber and the man just blew my head apart. Take your time.


      6. Wow yeah he’s interesting. Look for dr dan seigel too. Similar area. The work of the Integral institute is different. Chalmers is asking what is consciousness and Wilber is saying why ✨


      7. Oh okay!! You know I never looked up the different philosophers and stuff before. So this is all quote new.. attributing different thought schools to whom

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I’m trying to learn less. Omg I feel like that makes me sound obnoxious. But I’m like too. . Conceptual. I need to reign it in a bit lol


      9. Hahaha yeah. I am also deep in meditation, yoga and learning why I am embodied right now. I have just been accepted as a student by a spiritual teacher I admire. It’s important to learn, but to also dump the old stuff. That’s why I journal 3 pages a day of waffle and brain moosh. Taking out the trash.


      10. Nice. I need to get back in shape. And I mean more bendy, agile and stronger. Because I’m already a shape lol. I used to do yoga and Pilates for ages on and off a lot though. Did pole for like 6 months last year. Le sigh.
        Btw I sent the invite thingy I think. Now don’t judge yeah? Kinda vulnerable here! Lol

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh I do wish you all of the luck. Please. I believe in you. I 100% believe if anyone is going to write this story it is going to be you. I just don’t know if November is enough time to get it right. Lol
    I’m in your corner. Ok? I’m fucking backing you for the win 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! Do you know that I can count on one hand the number of times someone, anyone has completely and blindly believed I could do something based on nothing but what I’d done before, their total gut instinct and maybe some good drugs. Like one hand. Maybe just two fingers. It’s fucking uncomfortable. It’s scary.


      1. Well I tend to totally freak people out. I assume I am one of those fingers. So let me show you how not scary it is. I will announce when to look into the magic mirror tank lol

        Liked by 1 person

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