Being human is hard

I had a bit of a meltdown on Friday.

The day started well. As per my current plan of action (because life requires a plan even if the world has no respect for our plans) I started my day with qi gong and meditation. I ran some errands, went to work, did the wages. A regular Friday.

Then I left to head to yoga, my usual 15 minute trip back to my home suburb. Due to covid-related increased border security it took more than an hour. #firstworldstruggle I know but holy crap I was super frustrated.

It was my first covid related meltdown so I’m doing okay but I was really disappointed in myself. I mean geez… I meditate daily, often twice daily, and have done for a couple of years. I can’t believe I still have so little self control that I have a tantrum over how long it takes to get to yoga. Kind of ironic.

Seriously, how long does it take to get to a point where you don’t lose your shit about pointless stuff?

My yoga teacher smiled kindly when I asked her this exact question. I know, I know… we’re a work in progress… at least I was aware of my pathetic carry on as it was happening. I was apparently unwilling or unable to stop myself ranting to my husband who phoned me twice in the journey to see how I was traveling. To be honest I think that was part of the problem. If I’d just kept listening to the interview with Sir Lenny Henry I probably would have sailed through the trip without incident.

Yep. I just blamed my husband. I have a lot of meditation to do.

One of the benefits of a yoga asana (poses) practice is the opportunity to release emotion and memories that we store in our bodies. I’ve heard people say they won’t go to yoga because they cry every time they do. That happens because we release stuff we’ve stored in our bodies. I definitely went through my crying in yoga phase a few years back but I’m really glad those memories are no longer locked up in my hips.

During my post-hissy-fit-Friday class I asked a question (in my head…not really sure who I’m asking, really…) I have asked this question before. “Why does it hurt?” I asked whoever was listening. I asked this a few years ago when I was having pain in my lower back and hips from scar tissue and I got the same response. “Because you are human.”

That’s the long and the short of it. When we’re in spirit we are pure love, and embodiment gives us the opportunity to experience life sensually in all it’s glory and that includes pain, both physical and existential.

You wouldn’t know it but I’ve been listening to a lot of Alan Watts lectures. I wish I’d found him thirty years ago.