Not Today.

After one of the most brutal massages I have ever had, I am grateful to just be upright. When I came out my husband said ‘how’d it go?’ And I said ‘well I didn’t die.’

He thought I was joking. I do that.

During the murderous massage, I was having an almost out of body experience. I was making up jokes like – you’ve heard of Chinese water torture? This was exactly like that but the only water was my tears. I can’t recall the other jokes, but when I came out I think I was in shock. It will be a while before I trust anyone other than my fave Flavia to massage me!

Don’t you love getting older? I had a great day yesterday. Rode my bike to the beach and swan in the ocean. Wrote for a few hours – hit my 50k Nano goal. 2 months late but better late than not at all. Then I rode my bike to yoga and did a 90 minute Ashtanga class. We then went out to dinner with dear friends and had a ball. I was wearing wedges and there was no dancing. I know my limits 😇

So why did I wake up this morning with a stupid swollen knee? How annoying. I dealt with it by riding to the beach. As you do. But it didn’t get better. Funny that.

So we went for a massage only to endure one of the more brutal outings ever. To be fair, while my knee is no better but my back feels great.

I do all I can to stay healthy and fit. It’s frustrating when an injury stands in the way. Will it make me more apt to listen to my body? I dunno…maybe one day. I vaguely recall a slight niggle in that knee.

In the past I have struggled with imperfections. Ive judged myself and others so harshly for what I perceived as weakness. Where did I learn this? Perhaps from hard working parents who ignored ill health to ‘soldier on’? Perhaps from a dad who expected perfect results on school tests.

I hate asking for help. Oh and when it’s offered and accepted but not forthcoming, I’m scathing… may the goddess help us all if I’m ever really sick because everything around me will collapse. I have so much fear around my health! I fear anything that will stop me achieving my dreams.

Something to meditate on.