If they’ll make a movie like MiB International there’s still hope for new writers.

O. M. G. Where do I start. That’s nearly 2 hours of my life and $6 I’ll never get back. Not happy, Jan. I would rather sit in a pile of garbage and…oh, just believe me, it was truly awful for, but not limited to, the following reasons.

1. It’s a sausage fest. Despite the presence of Emma Thompson and Tessa Thompson, no relation, in lead roles, MiBI is wall-to-wall dudes. It scrapes by the Bechdel Test purely because Emma Thompson interviews her at the beginning for a few moments, in which Molly, Tessa’s character, tells her she looks good in black. I think this is a clunky hat-tip to Will Smith’s “I make this look good.” Most scenes feature at least 90% male characters. I know it’s called Men in Black but clearly we are in a different age now.

I feel so bad trashing this movie but they really have to sort this shit out in Hollywood. If women are going to support women in movies they have to actually put out movies that women want to watch! Late Night was aweseom also with Emma Thompson, starring and written by Mindy Kaling. I am looking forward to Terminator: Dark Fate, Star Wars: The rise of Skywalker, and Maleficent.

2. The only female aliens are the Dead Queen, a scorned three armed arms-dealer who can’t forgive Agent H (Hemsworth) for dumping her, and a love-sick secretary-type underling who makes time slow down so she can perv at Chris Hemsworth a bit longer.

3. In the original MiB Will Smith’s character is recruited because he’s good at his job and ‘runs down’ a particularly zippy alien. Molly can’t seem to even get on their radar even though she hacked into Nasa and ranked top in various areas including weapons on her applications for the CIA and the FBI. They try to pass this off with one line of dialogue about how the don’t recruit anymore. Pfft. So she has to manipulate and sneak into MiB.

4. The half-baked ‘chemistry’ between H and M. Just don’t.

5. The storyline is okay. Just. I picked the twist in the opening scenes. Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones would be rolling in their graves if they were dead.

The only shining light in the dank mess that was this movie was the voice of Kumail Ali Nanjiani as Pawny.

Anyone who wants to write a screenplay get out there and do it, because I am at least 50% certain it wouldn’t be as awful as this.

I’m giving it 0 out of 10.

Bad Hollywood, bad.


Feature Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

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