This was my mantra going into 2018 and writing these words is how I start my journaling each morning. It was a bit of a shock to realise the number of times I bailed out on my dreams of being an independent artist when I was painting. Sure I had art-based businesses and worked in the arts, but my dream to make the art my heart wanted to make and create an income from that seemed so unachievable.
I wanted it, but not enough to do the work apparently.
Something shifted last June in my big wake-up call and continues to shift. I’m continuing to align with what my heart really wants. The decision to stop painting was a huge one. There were lots of tears and frustration, and that was just from my husband. (I joke, but he was concerned.)
Why was I giving up on my dream of being an artist? Was I just quitting again, letting myself down, and that would come back to bite me later?
I don’t believe so.
My online name has been Writerpainter for as long as there’s been an internet. I’ve always used writing as a creative outlet and wrote my memoir in 2005 as a healing exercise. But now things have shifted; I’m putting the writer into that name. It feels…right.
I will probably paint sometime in the future as an outlet, but writing is my focus now. I feel aligned. This is the right path.
And the proof of the pudding is in the tasting, as the saying goes. I’ve been able to stick like glue to my goals and working daily at my writing doesn’t seem to have the same painful angst that making my visual art always brought.
I’m going to take as a sign the fact that I am dedicated and passionate about writing in a way I never was as a painter. I feel like this is me. It fits.
I love writing but I no longer over-identify with my work.
This is a gift from the years I put into my visual art. Nothing is wasted! Steven Pressfield (War of Art) says this indicates a professional mindset. After years of making art, it may simply be a sign of maturity as an artist (finally!) but I’m taking this as another sign that I am doing my life’s work.
So even though I’m barely making petrol-money at the moment from my writing, I’m hoping the pro-mindset will help me turn it into car-money in the future.
Every few days, I receive an email from The Universe. Now I know they are not from the actual “Universe”… or are they? It’s amazing how they just seem to arrive at precisely the right moment… This is my message for today.
I’m not embarrassed to admit that I’ve started and joined a couple of accountability groups at the beginning of this year, and now after 6 months, I’m the only one left to be accountable to.