There is nothing more frightening/exciting than starting. A new relationship, a blank canvas, a puppy…. Okay so the puppy isn’t frightening. But starting can be really scary.
As an artist, I know the terror of the blank canvas, and as a writer the blank page. This blog is new, the website was a blank screen a few weeks ago and I have been on a very steep learning curve ever since. I feel as though I am wading through treacle and I have never felt so much like giving up in my life. Hang on, scratch that; I have felt like giving up so many times and that’s exactly what I’ve done.
Over the years, I’ve started and given up blogs, websites, online stores, a business and a few jobs. Luckily I’ve had a few successes along the way too!
I have had certain success over the past 25 years with my artwork, managing to live off my work for years before shifting into corporate art sales. Then I worked as an in-house artist and eventually the manager of a firm specialising in art work for interior designers. It was struggling and I revived it, I gave it new life and it really took off.
Then I quit.
There were many things I didn’t like about the job and the company, but it was my dream job. I made it great, then I gave it away. I didn’t like working with certain staff members of the sister company and I felt unheard and unimportant. I didn’t feel the boss had my back. So I left. I went out on a high, though. They were sad to see me go and everyone was very sweet. No desk flipping for me. I’ve spent a little time unpacking that particular decision and I know it was the right choice, but if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have quit. I’ve got the tools now to deal with toxic people, and I don’t take myself and everything else so seriously any more. It’s like I went to London and the umbrella I ordered for the trip arrived a year after I got home….I was drenched at the time, yes, but now I’ve got the umbrella….
Now I’m not exactly starting, if I consider all the hard work I’ve put in over the years. I like to think I’m picking up where I left off. I’m painting again, which is the best part. Oh, and I’m not afraid of snarky co-workers any more. I don’t have any! Another plus for being my own boss!
I am not afraid of what other’s think of me any more. I’m running it all up the flag pole to see who salutes!