Everyone is always doing the best they can

A few years ago during meditation I had the realisation that everyone is always doing the best they can in any given moment. I have spoken to a lot of people about this in the time since and most people don’t agree with me.

Why do I think this?

I think we’re always operating at the level we have access to in that moment. If we’re being mean, or hateful, or miserly, that’s what we’re capable of in that moment.

It usually means we’re scared, lost, in pain or clinging to something.

Life can be hard! That’s the crux of the first noble truth of Buddhism. The Buddha didn’t say that all life is suffering, but that life can bring suffering. The second noble truth follows up to say…

the origin of suffering is attachment – not only do we fail to know reality but we mis-know it. We attribute permanence to impermanence. The physical universe is constant change, but we know it as permanent – change is the only thing there is. Our ideas, the objects that surround us, and our perceptions, are all transient. Even our idea of “self” is a delusion since there is no permanent self. Craving and clinging to these inevitably leads to suffering.

Could we lift ourselves out of that current state and be kind, or loving or generous? Yes, absolutely, once we’ve developed the self-awareness to know we can improve and the resources to do so. If we can’t even see how we’re behaving, how can we do better? The third and fourth noble truths show us how. (You can read more about the 8-fold path by clicking here.)

The best part about believing that everyone is always doing their best is it allows us to be kind, loving and generous in that moment. If someone is being mean or hateful, we can tell ourselves that sometimes we are also mean and hateful and aren’t we always doing the best we can in that moment? In any moment? This awareness helps us to respond in a more loving way even if that means just giving them space or not adding fuel to the fire and reminds us to be aware of our own low points.