what shall we talk about?

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” I’d like to contribute to this brilliant quote that small minds also talk about their problems. Relentlessly.

#truthbomb from http://www.butterfly-maiden.com – a now defunct website

Got together with a writer buddy today and talked all things writing, Strong Female Protagonists, paradigm shifting, you know, just the usual, and driving home afterwards I was reminded of the old quote above, the Eleanor Roosevelt part. I’m so lucky right now to be surrounded by curious people, people with a growth mindset. Then I ran into my friend Murray, who I always see at the supermarket, and we had a 15 minute chat about which podcasts or Youtube videos were worth watching. {I mentioned this one below, Carol Dweck talks about how to develop a growth mindset.}

Years ago, I used to get together with a group of friends once a week for coffee or wine (depending on the timing of the catch-up) and we would, and I’m embarrassed about this now, gripe and complain about everything god-damn thing that there was to complain about. Husband or boyfriend, shitty job or lack thereof, annoying family, work colleagues… A couple of them were single so we would dissect their latest date, reading his texts aloud at the table for context. Hilarious. Of course, when I got home I would relay all the negativity to my hubby with a bit of extra judgement thrown in for my poor deluded friends.

How much time did I waste!? Time I will never get back…

Thinking back, every now and again I would attend a course, or do a Reiki training or pick up a book that interested me, and I would attempt to discuss it at the weekly catchups. My friends were always polite and would make the right noises but soon enough we’d be back to a reunion of Mean Girls. One day I was walking back from the bathroom and I overheard two friends discussing how I had been distant and ‘acting weird’ and another said “Oh, she always does this when she’s doing a course.” The word course was said with a sneer. Then they rolled their eyes. No doubt there were times when I wasn’t overly supportive of things they found interesting. Friends can get weird when you are trying to do something different and aren’t always supportive. Both of those women have gone on to do some interesting things in life and perhaps they look back and ask why we wasted time bitching when we could have been talking about books, and movies and planning travels and having ideas.

I’m told we always end up right where we are supposed to be so it’s a bit pointless to waste time thinking about the past, but it is a good way to learn. Remembering that wasted time is a good reminder to spend my time in a positive way and try to learn something new every day.