I’ve written about this before, I know. Like everyone I know, I have so much on my to-do list I am going to have to live forever. Writing my goals daily is helping me to define the important tasks that take me closer to my goals and ignore the things that will take me farther from them. (For the first time, I believe I have used the word farther in a sentence. I have always written further. I hope this is the correct usage!)
Writing my goals daily is one thing, but I find I am still quite scattered when it comes to getting things done. I tend to chop and change across chores and activities, something I learned in the Dream Job. I really had to become a world-class multi-tasker because I had so many roles (because a) I don’t know how to set boundaries, and b) I don’t know how to ask for help and get it!) But I must have done something right because I nailed that job. Too bad I burned out in the process. They say that the way you do anything is the way you do everything and it’s something I need to get a handle on. This year’s word is ‘focus‘ and I am hanging on by my fingernails at present – the daily goals practice the only thing keeping me on task.
I told a story last night, one that someone dear to me had never heard before. She saw me in a new light. She finally understood a few ‘whys’. Why I fled. Why I kept myself to myself. Why I find it hard to trust some people. It feels really good to be heard but only by those who use the words for empathy and understanding.
I have a couple more stories. Stories that I hope would help people see why I did what I did, why others did what they did. But I don’t want those stories taken and twisted by those who would use them to justify their ‘whys’. They can tell their own stories.
What a challenge we have, to rise above our past. To stop being the victim. The woman who tried to end my child’s life before he was born matters far more to me than she should. I guarantee she never gives me a second thought. I need to let it go and also let go of the resentment. Who cares if someone thought I treated her badly when it was she who made me feel so unsafe I had to move 2000km away? Why should it matter after 20 years?
I want to tell, to write, the stories as a way to transcend them. But I also want a little bit of justification, some sympathy and perhaps for my audience to hate that person just a little bit.
The personal narrative in the public narrative. It is through the shared tradition of storytelling that unites the hearts and minds of the individual towards a shared vision. Everyone just wants to connect, to feel they are not alone. And when we hear stories that we feel as something that personally resonates with one of our own, that’s what gives the tale power and so the stories continue to live on. And because we aren’t just local communities, we are a global community, for the first time in forever we might stand a chance of staving off the final armageddon (the final death of life as a species as we know it.)
My only fear with this kind of storytelling is getting stuck back in the story. Being the ‘girl who’…forever. It really struck me after telling the story that I’ve been carrying it around for so long.
Well it is a means of letting it go. You rewrite the ending you wish you got to have. And though the way through is tough and shit, it’s the only way out of your labyrinth. Think of the modern labyrinth model, but not the MC Escher one. Because the secret door out of your mental maze is the one you make yourself. When you realise you had the power within you all along, you just didn’t remember what you had forgotten.
That is so beautiful. We have forgotten how powerful we are.
I hope I’ve managed to help remind you of lessons learned long ago written on the of your walls of your soul, in the cells of your biology. 😎
you absolutely have – thank you – once again!
I have finally uploaded that post on Doreen Virtue. It’s only going to be up for a bit. I’m still trying to get my head around all this integral stuff and it’s hard to talk about without coming across as condescending. Would love your thoughts on the post 🙂
I better get a wriggle-ready on! Don’t take it down!
It’s scary writing stuff that might offend. I’m chicken shit these days.
Well, I’ve said this to other people before, but if you’re afraid of copping flack I can take the blame for you lol. But there are always going to be people who will be offended no matter what. You cannot say anything of importance that doesn’t stir the pot. Just gotta remember that the only opinions that matter are the opinions of the people who matter to you.
Thank you 😛
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