No pressure then?
We do this to our loved ones, don’t we, and sometimes they do it to us.
‘I just want you to be happy’
‘Happy wife, happy life’
Advice is like dog shit…nobody wants it, not even the dog. Harsh but true. But when we see our loved ones going through hard times or working with a bully (been there, done that) we tend to rush in and want to fix it all, make it better. We think we know what’s best for them and if they were to just…do that…then, voila! Everything would be hunky dory! It can be a little bit judgemental at best, and at worst, we put our happiness in the hands of other people. It also puts the pressure on. What if I’m not happy today? What impact will that have on you? Is it my fault you’re not happy…?
When I was working with the worst bully in the world, my hubby used to say ‘Quit the job’. He just wanted me to be happy but I loved that job. I was determined to rise above it all and I was determined to win! (And win I did! I ended up being his boss and when I left, the former-bully told me I was the best boss he’d ever had!)
How hard is it, too, to see someone we love struggling with their weight? It’s a mine-field. We want them to be well and healthy so they are enjoying their lives to the fullest and so they are around longer. Is that selfish? Is it overstepping? Is it loving? It’s important not to shame people for their current health situation but still be supportive of their efforts to get their weight into a healthy range. I think consulting an expert would be very beneficial, but I mean a real expert, not just anyone from a weight-loss programme. A GP or dietitian is essential.
Speaking of experts, I had a friend years ago who gave me the absolute worst advice when I was going through some relationship issues. The advice she offered, had I followed it, would have probably killed my relationship and I have to wonder if she knew what she was saying… Was she trying to sabotage my relationship? I’ll never know, although, my bad for asking a newly-divorced friend for advice about my relationship!