Last Friday I had a low day. Actually, it was a pretty low week. I haven’t seen the Black Dog for a while, but this week I could feel it stalking me.
I have been trying to write this post for 4 days. I typed, I deleted. I typed again. I deleted again. Why is it so hard to talk about depression? I almost didn’t post this but decided if it helps just one person to know they are not alone then it’s worth it.
Be warned; I am going to cover some pretty harrowing thoughts below.
Friday morning was rough. For reasons unknown, I woke with this sentence on my lips;
What if it never rains again?
Seriously brain, wtf? It’s supposed to be the rainy season and in the little corner of Queensland that I live in, we haven’t seen rain for more than 30 days. I need rain. This dry, hot weather is poisonous to my system. Add to that a stiff breeze and I’m in The Bad Place. My own personal hell.
First world struggles, I know, but it’s still a struggle. Boo hoo, it’s too hot an windy so I have to go to the beach.
Last Sunday I met a woman who is a true warrior for the environment. She basically told me that we have a year to turn the ship around. And with the dip-shits we have in governments worldwide, the narcissists who only care about the latest handbags, the people in third-world nations who are just trying to get by, the 16 new towers that are being built right now along the beach near my house…holy shit, the depressive thoughts that have overwhelmed me this week have sent me scurrying for the Rhodiola (it’s herbal and it works for me. I don’t give a fuck if it’s a placebo. I stopped taking it while using the herbs from the detox but I’m back on it now.)
For the farmers the struggle is real and no amount of herbal remedy or yoga is going to help. Farmers are struggling with the drought and man-made disasters, like what’s happening in the Murray-Darling Basin. And that means real-world struggle for them and potential shit-storm for all of us if they can’t grow the food we so love to eat. The town of Walgett has run out of water. How does this happen? It’s down to mismanagement.
Further south, and it’s all related, it’s horrible to see the images of the dead fish floating in the sad-looking rivers and lakes in what is supposed to be the great ‘food-bowl’ of this country, even worse to be a farmer seeing this happening. Mismanagement to blame again. It’s all the politicians doing. Their personal greed for kickbacks and power coupled with lack of foresight is staggering. They have allowed foreign companies to come in and buy up land, obtain rights to the water to grow cotton for export. None of this benefits Australia. In fact, it is highly destructive.
Our PM was seen at the tennis last week. Too bad he wasn’t seen anywhere near the Murray-Darling basin or Menindee Lake or Walgett for that matter.
What can we do? I just don’t know what to do about the state of the environment. I feel helpless. I do what I can do but unless we as a species change, how can we be saved. And in a year????
Someone told me 20 years ago that there’s little the individual can do; the real problems are caused by industry and we’re a drop in the ocean by comparison. Even so, I am doing what I can. I recycle, have a keep-cup, and reusable water bottle. In our business we have solar panels, we recycle water, conserve energy where we can. We can all do a little because even just caring enough to use a keep-cup for your takeaway coffee, or using fabric bags instead of plastic is making a difference. David Attenborough says a plant-based diet will help save the planet but so many meat-obsessed people say it’s farming vegetables and grains that are truly at fault. I’m going with Sir Dave on this one.
Along with my herbal remedy, I have some tools in the ol’ tool belt. I’ve been doing some gentle stretching along with few rounds of Nadi Shodana each morning. I’ve been doing my breathing exercises and my seated meditation, journaling and avoiding gluten (which I have known all my life to cause/exacerbate depression.) I’m very fortunate indeed to have the time and resources to be able to deal with this. As I have heard more than once this week, how do people cope when they don’t have a practice (of meditation, of yoga) or are under so much financial pressure that buying a remedy is out of reach. Sitting for 5 minutes a day and focusing on the breath coming in and out of our nostrils is available to everyone but for many people, that seems pointless. It’s not, but society has told us that it is.
The internet gets a raw deal sometimes but it has opened up a world of free resources. One of my faves is Youtube. It has so many great meditations, free yoga classes, and even uplifting talks and songs.