The dance

Learning Out Loud, Self-empowerment, The Dance of Life by Christine Betts

In French, the word dependance, from the verb dependre, means to depend, to need something, just as it does in English. I really wish that we spelled dependence with an ‘a’ like the French because finding our way through dependence, independence, co-dependence to the goal of interdependence is the dance of life.

It’s funny/sad that I’d always thought that independence was the goal. My teacher has explained that it really isn’t, we’re here to be ‘in relationship‘ to be around others, to grow together, work together and depend on each other, but in healthy ways. No (wo)man is an island!

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I don’t recall the first time I heard this little nursery rhyme, but I’ve always considered myself the cheese.

The farmer in the dell
The farmer in the dell
Hi-ho, the derry-o
The farmer in the dell
The farmer takes a wife
The farmer takes a wife
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The farmer takes a wife
The wife takes the child
The wife takes the child
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The wife takes the child
The child takes the nurse
The child takes the nurse
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The child takes the nurse
The nurse takes the cow
The nurse takes the cow
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The nurse takes the cow
The cow takes the dog
The cow takes the dog
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The cow takes the dog
The dog takes the cat
The dog takes the cat
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The dog takes the cat
The cat takes the mouse
The cat takes the mouse
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The cat takes the mouse
The mouse takes the cheese
The mouse takes the cheese
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The mouse takes the cheese
The cheese stands alone
The cheese stands alone
Hi-ho, the derry-o…
The cheese stands alone
You see?
I am the cheese. 
I resonated with this nursery rhyme as a very small child. Even though I have a grand total of 4 sisters and 7 brothers, I am an only child. I am the only child of my mother and my father. That’s not terribly unique, but through crazy life circumstances I am blessed with all those siblings you see, so it is unique to some extent. I should clarify, one of those brothers and one of the sisters don’t actually know that I exist because my birth Father is ashamed/embarrassed/too gutless, whatever, to meet me so I guess I shouldn’t count them. (I’m not really sure we’d get on – they go to rodeos and well, anyone who knows me knows that the rodeo scene isn’t my thing. Hey, I’m an Aussie and I don’t even like Keith Urban!)
Where was I?
Oh, right, I might be the cheese, but now I have to learn to be a pizza. I gotta do that dance, allow others in, stop slam-dancing between co-dependence (my son doesn’t clean his toilet so he mustn’t love me…), dependence (argh, I can’t access my online banking again waaaahhhhhhh) and independence (I don’t need anyone to celebrate my birthday, I’m going to take it off Facebook, don’t look at me, no gifts unless they fit my stringent criteria…). Sigh.
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5 Comments

      2. Christine Betts

        God knows I always did😇 we do salsa and I was a tapper for years. I was so skinny and cute – sigh. I was pretty shut down emotionally so the drugs helped lol this interdependence stuff could do with some drugs but I don’t do that anymore. Meditation is my drug of choice now.

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